Just like we are sure not to say, “I am sad…” rather than, “I feel sad…” in the Feelings portion of our FUNCK practice, make sure that you are not carrying over “woulda/shoulda/coulda/have to” speak into your Needs.
If you can write a “to” in your Needs sentence, you’re automatically creating an action statement.
Double-check “to-ing” yourself.
For example, I need to exercise is a very different statement than I need exercise.
For something less complicated, let’s look at the Needs Wheel in your BeMo Journal or Pocket Guide.
I need growth. I need progress. I need a challenge. I need esteem. I need involvement. These straightforward statements hold a great deal of understanding toward yourself.
Note, the needs wheel also has a few “to” words. For example, I need to create.
When unable to remove “to” from the statement, this is a great place to check if that “to” is pressure to do something or recognition of intrinsic need.
Sometimes determining that difference is more easily done when adding detail to the sentence. “I need to create space and understanding for myself” differs from “I need to create a report.” One is a need that exists with you, for you, about you. The other is wound tightly with the belief that you have to/should/would/could do something outside of yourself and likely for someone else. Don’t do it!
Cassandra "Caz" Stark 