Navigating Mother’s Day With Care: Embracing Self-Compassion And Healing

Mother’s Day is often portrayed as a day of joy and celebration, but for some individuals, it can bring forth complex emotions and painful memories. Trust me. I get it. Some years I feel like I’ve felt the pain of every angle of Mother’s Day. I lost my mother at the age of 16. I’ve felt the loss of a child and the absence of motherhood. I’ve also felt, at times, reluctant to be a mother. I’ve felt for others as they approach Mother’s Day. I’ve celebrated mothers, and I’ve also been mad at the mother’s I once celebrated – including my own. If this day is not a happy one for you, it’s essential to approach it with self-compassion and find healing amidst the challenges. In this blog post, we will be moving through step two of The BeMo Practice: FUNCK. Together we will learn how to feel and deal so that we may begin to feel and heal our Mother’s Day storyline. This post is tailored specifically to help navigate Mother’s Day when it brings forth difficult emotions.

Step 1: Feelings – Validating Your Emotions

Acknowledge and validate the range of emotions you may experience surrounding Mother’s Day. Whether it’s grief, loss, or unresolved issues, allow yourself to feel without judgment. It’s okay to have mixed feelings and to honor your own unique experience. Remember that your emotions are valid, and giving yourself permission to feel them is an essential part of the healing process.

Step 2: You – Letting Go Of Expectations

Release any societal or personal expectations associated with Mother’s Day that may cause distress. Understand that there is no right or wrong way to feel about this day. Give yourself permission to opt out of traditional celebrations or rituals that do not align with your emotional well-being. Grant yourself the freedom to redefine Mother’s Day based on what feels authentic and meaningful to you. Write to yourself as a supportive best friend to tap into the self-compassion you deserve on this day and any other day.

Step 3: Need – Self-Care And Compassion

Identify your “need for.” Maybe prioritize self-care and self-compassion during this potentially challenging time. Engage in activities that bring comfort and solace, such as this BeMo journaling practice, meditation, or leisure time in nature. Surround yourself with supportive individuals who understand and respect your feelings. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer a dear friend going through a similar experience.

Step 4: Can – Creating Personal Rituals

Craft your own personal rituals or practices to honor yourself or those who have played a significant nurturing role in your life. This could involve writing a heartfelt letter, lighting a candle, or engaging in a meaningful activity that symbolizes healing and remembrance. Empower yourself to choose actions that resonate with your emotional needs and provide a sense of solace and closure.

Step 5: Know – Honoring The Complexity Of Healing

Recognize that healing can be a complex process, and it’s okay to seek support from friends, loved ones, and/or a professional if the emotions surrounding Mother’s Day become overwhelming or prolonged. Reaching out to someone you know and trust can provide a safe space for you to navigate and process your feelings. Remember, reaching out for help is a sign of strength and self-care.

To help illustrate how to work through a FUNCK-E Mother’s Day, here is a brief entry you can follow along with. Use The BeMo Practice Guide at the front of your BeMo Journal to complete a process that honors how you are feeling and what your needs are at this time.

In this example, this journaler taps into a complex array of emotions in dealing with the loss of her mother and, as a result, her childhood and the fear of becoming a mother herself.

Here are excerpts from her BeMo Journal entry:

Brain Dump Summary
Mother’s Day has been complicated for me for years. At this point, I don’t know why it is complicated anymore. Some years I think nothing of it; other years, I am angry – so very, very angry.

F I feel angry about all of the milestones in life that I never got to have in a normal way – prom, moving away to college, graduation, or the first time I myself became pregnant. I feel resentment for the childhood I missed out on when I was already too much of an adult and then had to, almost overnight, be completely on my own emotionally and very quickly out on my own, quite literally. I feel abandoned and unsupported. And I also feel a deep shame and guilt at times for having felt that way for so long. I feel alone because I can’t really admit this to anyone I know or tell my family for fear of what they will think.

U I get that. But girl, you GET to be mad! You get to feel however you feel because that is YOUR truth and YOUR truth matters. I want you to be free of this. I am here for you. I support you.

N I need love and belonging. I need a hug. I need belief in my own future whether I choose to be a mother or not.

C To feel love, belonging, and belief…

I can ask someone I love and trust for a hug.
I can reach out to people who understand what I’m going through and can provide the support and connection I need.
I can prioritize self-care and show myself compassion by allowing myself to grieve and process my emotions without judgment.
I can write a letter to my Mom expressing how I feel and everything I have gone through as a result of the loss I feel from her and within my own life.
I can think of fun and creative ways to celebrate the day in my own way.

K I know Mother’s Day is just a day like any other day, and that what makes this day so overwhelming emotionally is an experience that exists in the past, even if it feels like it is happening to me right now. I know I do not need to hold anyone else accountable or project these feelings onto them as a result of my thoughts and feelings around this day. I know I get to do whatever it is I need and find my own desire for my life, which gives me the choice to become a mother in my own way and in my own time only if I want. I know I don’t have to avoid any more major milestones in life like motherhood or marriage because I already experienced so many without being surrounded by family or that expected mother-daughter relationship.

Feeling extra FUNCK-E? Extend your Mother’s Day journaling practice by adding one of these BeMo Extra topics:

Gratitude
Imagined Future
“I Get To” Practice of Enoughness

Mother’s Day can be challenging for those who carry difficult emotions, but by working through the FUNCK, we can navigate the day with care, self-compassion, and healing. Validate your emotions, let go of expectations, prioritize self-care, create personal rituals, and seek support if needed.

Remember, this day does not define your worth or the love you deserve. Be gentle with yourself, and may this Mother’s Day become an opportunity for growth, understanding, and renewed strength.

This post was originally published on The BeMo Blog: https://bemojournal.com/navigating-mothers-day-with-care-embracing-self-compassion-and-healing/

Cassandra "Caz" Stark